Summary
Ramona sends the children to Sunday school. As the oldest, Esmeralda joins the adults in service and watches as normally sedate adults in her neighborhood are swept into a religious frenzy: moving in jerky motions, tears streaming down their faces as they cry and beg for forgiveness. Esmeralda wants to join in, to give herself up to this unexplainable power that others are feeling, but she fears letting go and stays on the pew.
Esmeralda wants to learn piano and Pablo makes an arrangement with Don Luis, the principal of her school, to exchange piano lessons for carpentry work. Her nervousness at being in a teacher's home eases after seeing Don Luis’s warm smile. Don Luis comments on Esmeralda’s appearance and at first Esmeralda enjoys the attention, wearing a sleeveless dress that Don Luis says is pretty. Ramona however is suspicious of Don Luis, especially since Esmeralda is entering puberty. During one lesson, Don Luis makes excuses to touch Esmeralda, putting his arm around her to correct the position of her wrist. She feels him trembling and, feeling uncomfortable, tries to create distance between them. Distracted, Esmeralda plays badly, and once again he comes over to correct her. He stands over her and Esmeralda can feel his fingers shivering against hers and his breath on her hair. Hunching away from him Esmeralda realizes he can see down her shirt. Jumping up she yells, “Filthy old man!” and runs out. Esmeralda’s piano lessons end, and after Pablo and Romana talk to Don Luis he ignores her at school.
Moving again, Esmeralda now lives close to her grandmother’s house, often going over to spend time with her and eat home-cooked meals. Don Higinio, her grandfather, died the year before and Esmeralda mourns his passing. When Esmeralda finds out that Ramona is going to New York again to continue Raymond’s treatment, she cries into her grandmother’s shoulder admitting she does like it when Ramona goes away. Their Aunt Generosa, Pablo’s sister, comes to take care of the children while Ramona is away. Esmeralda admires her Aunt Generosa who speaks crude language not usually permitted to women. The children take advantage of Ramona’s absence and their aunt’s permissiveness to break all the rules. Esmeralda goes on long walks alone through the neighborhood. Girls her age walk together, whispering about Esmeralda’s impropriety for walking unaccompanied, but Esmeralda savors the freedom of not having to be accountable for her whereabouts.
Eventually, Pablo intervenes, telling the children that they must behave themselves or their aunt will not watch them anymore. The children do the opposite, hoping it’ll force Ramona to come back sooner. They make a mess of the house, break furniture, fight one another, and yell. Aunt Generosa is outnumbered by so many children and Pablo is out working seven days a week from dawn to dusk. Eventually, Pablo sends Esmeralda to her Uncle Lalo’s house saying their aunt can no longer watch the children. Resigned, Esmeralda passes the time peeling potatoes for her Uncle Lalo’s store and playing with her cousin Gladys. She seethes as she waits for Ramona to come back.
When Ramona returns from New York, she finds that Pablo has moved back to Macún with the rest of the children. While Esmeralda lies in Ramona’s lap, she takes in Ramona’s new appearance: curly black hair cropped short around her face, high heels, and painted nails. However, there’s something else different about Ramona: she carries herself with more pride, determination, and confidence. Walking down the street together, Esmeralda notices how men stare at her mother, catcalling. Esmeralda feels protective over her mother’s attention, worried at the thought that these men could somehow take Ramona away from the family.
The family moves into a new home on a farm, next to a creek and a large house belonging to “rich folks.” The house is big enough for Esmeralda to have her own room for the first time, and excitedly she cuts out pictures from food labels to decorate the walls. At first, Esmeralda struggles to sleep alone, accustomed to sleeping in a room full of people. Pablo further withdraws from the family, converting a tool shed to his private world filled with old philosophy and spiritual texts where he spends all his time after work. Esmeralda becomes interested in romantic stories, listening to radio programs and reading novels. She’s enthralled by the passionate stories of love at first sight, of manly men and beautiful, innocent women overcoming suffering against all odds. Meanwhile, she witnesses her parents' love-hate relationship, a direct contrast to her romantic fantasies. One minute they are working together or playing with the children and the next they’re at each other’s throats often fighting over whether or not to formally get married.
At the same time, Esmeralda is introduced to the world of dating. A boy in her seventh-grade class named Johannes Vélez asks to carry her books home from school. Unused to attention from boys, she self-consciously refuses, although she wants to accept. The next day, she asks Ramona what she should do; Esmeralda’s siblings overhear and tease her about having a boyfriend. Embarrassed, Esmeralda begins to cry. Esmeralda breaks down, telling her mother she does not understand what being casi señorita (or almost a young woman) means. Ramona lets Esmeralda stay home from school and rest. One day, Johannes Vélez shows up uninvited at Esmeralda’s house. Furious and embarrassed by her tattered dress, Esmeralda is rude to Johannes even as Ramona invites him inside and asks about his family. Ramona tells Esmeralda to be respectful and suggests they go outside. Esmeralda likes Johannes but feels unsure of how to act, then she slips and falls into the creek splattering him with mud. Humiliated, Esmeralda tells him to go home, watching him laugh as he runs away.
The fighting between Ramona and Pablo becomes unbearable. Esmeralda lies in bed crying as she hears them screaming insults and breaking things; she takes refuge in the library at school reading fairy tales. Before her thirteenth birthday, Pablo breaks the news that the children are moving to New York with Ramona. He tells Esmeralda before Ramona has a chance to. Her parents devolve into a fight, Ramona defending herself that she has no choice and Pablo feeling that what he does is never enough. With Esmeralda in between them, begging them to stop, rage transforms them, wrapping them into their private world while all their children watch.
An eerie calm settles over the house as Ramona and the children prepare to leave for New York. The two youngest, Edna and Raymond, will go with Esmeralda and Ramona to New York while the others stay behind until Ramona has enough money to fly the rest of the children. Esmeralda talks to both of her parents trying to make sense of what’s happening, wondering why her father does not fight for them as he did in the past. She’s heartbroken when he says he’ll never move to the United States. Pablo drives them to the airport and embracing Esmeralda tells her, “Write to me, don’t forget.” Ramona’s face set, she firmly pushes a reluctant Esmeralda onto the plane. Ramona clasps Esmeralda’s hand from across the aisle, and there are tears in Ramona’s eyes as the plane takes off.
Analysis
At twelve years old, Esmeralda is transitioning between childhood and adulthood: as they say in Puerto Rico she’s “casi señorita.” With her piano teacher, she is introduced to a darker side of becoming a woman, having to deal with the predatory behavior of men. At first, Esmeralda likes the attention but soon it makes her uncomfortable, and she pounds the piano keys angrily hoping the noise will drive Don Luis away. Santiago uses imagery to describe Don Luis’s “quivering elegant fingers” and how when he hovers over her, “his breath fanned my hair,” the effect is that the reader feels as suffocated as Esmeralda. Esmeralda asserts herself, yelling at Don Luis and running away. After this experience, Esmeralda feels soiled by his predatory gaze, leaving her with a sense of shame, fear, and rage.
As the oldest, Esmeralda is forced to grow up quickly. Yet, at her grandmother’s house, Esmeralda has the space to be taken care of. She feels safe crying into her grandmother’s shoulder, the only place where she can express her loneliness and fears without feeling like a burden. The children take advantage of Ramona’s absence, finding it exhilarating to misbehave in such a usually disciplined household. The theme of gender roles arises again when Esmeralda decides to take long walks in her neighborhood. At the time, young girls in Puerto Rico were kept under tight watch; walking about unaccompanied was a freedom usually only afforded to boys. Esmeralda savors the experience, knowing the newfound freedom is temporary. Ramona also revels in a sense of freedom. She comes back from New York full of hope and confidence. For her, New York is a symbol of hope for a better life, the American Dream. Walking down the street with Ramona, Esmeralda catches a glimpse of her mother as a woman, with an identity separate from her role as the mother of seven children. It scares Esmeralda and fills her with a rage she cannot understand.
The family’s financial situation improves. With the new move, they now live in a cul-de-sac next to a golf course, a stark difference from their previous neighborhoods. The family next door has a television and the children are introduced to American cartoons such as Tom and Jerry, Donald Duck, and Mickey Mouse. Between Ramona’s talk of New York and American cartoons, American influence is seen as something seductive and exciting. This is a shift from Esmeralda’s childhood idea of wanting to avoid American, imperialist influence. Pablo however remains uninterested. While there are moments of affection between Pablo and Ramona, overall their fights become worse. Esmeralda tries to escape her parents' vitriol by turning to the romantic stories on the radio or in books. She spends time in the school library or in her room consuming these stories, calling up images of romantic fantasies to drown out her parents' yelling. Ramona and Pablo have been together for fourteen years but are not officially married. After coming back from New York, Ramona decides that she wants the security that comes from a formal marriage, but Pablo resists, telling her he no longer loves her.
Esmeralda experiences the growing pains associated with her first forays into dating and romance. When Johannes Vélez shows an interest in her, Esmeralda is both pleased and extremely embarrassed. Esmeralda turns to Ramona for advice but is frustrated when Ramona shares with her the proper rules of how a lady should behave rather than listening to how Esmeralda feels. When Johannes comes to visit, Esmeralda channels her confusion and embarrassment into rudeness. She’s disappointed by the reality of their interaction, hoping for the sweeping romance and declarations of eternal love she knows from her novels. Between the fantasies of her stories and the tumultuous relationship of her parents, Esmeralda has no realistic example of healthy love.
Throughout this section of the memoir, a key theme is family conflict and the deep impact it has on children. Ramona and Pablo are so consumed by their hate that it takes up all the space and energy in the house, leaving little room for their children. Their rage dwarfs the love they have for each other, transforming each of them into hate-filled caricatures of themselves. Trapped in a cycle of blame, hurt, and unmet expectations, Ramona sees moving to New York as the only way out. Yet, given her financial limitations she is only able to take three of their seven children with her, separating the family.
Santiago explores the theme of migration through the different family members’ reactions to the move to New York. Ramona is focused on the future, determined to find a happier and more stable life in New York. Pablo encourages Esmeralda to accept the change by buying her magazines of American celebrities. Yet, at the same time, he calmly states that he’ll never go to the United States. Pablo instilled in Esmeralda his deep love for Puerto Rico, the land, and jíbaro life. He’s unwilling to move to the United States and appears exhausted and no longer able or willing to fight for keeping the family together. Esmeralda feels betrayed by his passivity, wondering why he won’t fight for them as he did in the past, yet it’s clear Pablo loves her and he implores Esmeralda to write. Esmeralda deeply feels the pain of losing home and the separation of her family.
