Adolescence as a cultural indicator
Orenstein's psychological and sociological research focused originally on young men and women and then exclusively on young men for their research into the widespread issue of sexual misconduct. They discovered that among a random sample of those young people, eventually just young men, that there were differing opinions about what consent was. The variation among that sample is an indication, she says, of a systemic issue in our society; she feels parents and mentors do not do enough today to properly educate young men about their sexual responsibility.
Masculinity and toxicity
Another important aspect of the research was the way young men continually suggested that in their own private thought life, the concept of masculinity caused them distress. This is a helpful report because the commonality of that feedback suggests that young men can often get wrong ideas about masculinity which bring about difficult and unnecessary emotional goals, like a thirst for power and a desire to control others. This competitive misunderstanding of masculinity causes young men a lot of pain, and it often makes their actions more extreme and domineering.
"Hookups"
The author notices that a lot of young men break their sexual relationships into two categories: actual romance, and hookups. Orenstein discovered that hookups and hookup culture were also a major source of distress in the sample. She writes about this from the point of view of natural human behavior (humans are naturally mating animals, and casual hookups are largely the consequence of fairly recent developments in birth control); with normal behavior, a person can be made to feel inadequate or left out if they believe it is more normal to have many casual sex partners.
Opinions on consent
The recent Me Too movement led this author to her research. She wanted to see whether there would be a common factor among the young men that might be helpful in shining a light on why some men have such abominable standards. She found her answer in the young men's opinions of consent. In various ethically exposing questions, the boys demonstrated a wide variety of opinions on consent, which indicates that they don't know the legal standard. This is a gap in their education, she feels.
Awkwardness and responsibility
If the author of this book is correct in her theories, then what follows is a call to action that she actually makes herself several times in the book—to educate young men about the standards for their behavior and about the sexual responsibility. She feels that one reason that might not get addressed is that it is awkward or emotionally difficult to discuss that with with one's sons, but when no one in their personal sphere of influence educates them about these things, they sometimes go on to be confused and even sometimes sexually abusive.
