Anthony Patch has graduated from Harvard by 1913, but that is the sum total of his accomplishments. His grandfather, who raised him, is beginning to pressure him to do something productive, and suggests that he write a book, but Anthony's life seems to be one enormous writers' block. He dreads having to sit down and come up with something to write, and most of his days are spent worrying about things from his beautiful bathtub in his ornate apartment. He is frightened of the big wide world and so prefers the safety and comfort of his bathroom, where he feels safe and sound.
Dick Caramel, Anthony's room mate at Harvard, decides to introduce him to his cousin Gloria Gilbert, who is a society girl, and also somewhat of a hustler' she is beautiful, and uses her beauty to persuade men to pay for her meals. Anthony becomes fascinated by her and particularly by the ease with which she gets by on just her looks. Although she is said to be dating a movie producer, he starts a relationship with her and discovers to his surprise that they have much in common; both worry constantly about the fleeting nature of youth. Although he has never shown any desire to get married before, Anthony is completely obsessed with Gloria and she with him; when he proposes, she gives up her movie producer and accepts.
Anthony, though, begins to get cold feet. He knows he can barely support himself on his minimal income, and that he cannot possibly support two people living beyond their means. He is reluctant to share his apartment, because it has become his "safe space" away from the world. Nonetheless, he continues to make plans to be married, convincing himself that these fears are perfectly normal and just a sort of pre-wedding jitters. In any case, he fully expects to find a way to become rich sooner or later, and then the couple's money worries will disappear. He doesn't exactly have a plan, and he hates hard work, but he also has no self-control at all, and is just as addicted to Gloria as he is to alcohol and to extravagant living and clothes.
There are already cracks in the union before the couple get home from their honeymoon. Anthony has a fear of dying and consequently stays away from what he perceives as danger. He drives incredibly slowly and carefully which irritates Gloria; she can't stand this kind of behavior and thinks it makes Anthony seem cowardly. Gloria manages to irritate Anthony by refusing to undertake any domestic activities whatsoever, which Anthony expected her to take on. The relationship quickly sours. Gloria wants a home in the country. Anthony accedes to her request, and rents one, to stop her going on about it. Anthony loves living in the city and refuses to give up his apartment so renting an additional home stretches their already over-burdened finances to the limit.
Gloria and Anthony continue to live beyond their means and discover that the only thing that can divert them both from arguing and from worrying about their sorry financial predicament is to throw large, extravagant parties. The parties make them seem enormously popular but in fact the opposite is true; they are becoming alienated from their friends because their friends are settling down, working hard, spending less time socializing, whilst Anthony and Gloria have no intention of doing so. Anthony's Grandfather is wholly against the consumption of alcohol and when he shows up unannounced at one of the couple's parties, he is appalled by Anthony's enjoyment of alcohol. He disinherits Anthony, and replaces him in his will with his secretary, Shuttleworth. This is revealed upon his death which occurs shortly after he changes the beneficiary of his estate.
Gloria and Anthony cash in all their bonds so that they can continue to live extravagantly; they just cannot picture themselves cutting back, or living more modestly. They both depend upon and irritate each other, so when Anthony is called upon to go to an army training camp, both enjoy the enforced separation. Anthony begins an affair with a woman named Dorothy Raycroft but feels horribly guilty about it as soon as the affair starts. Anthony is a terrible soldier, but before he is deployed the war comes to an end. He is excited to return home to Gloria, who has missed him too, but soon their old pattern returns and they are unhappy all over again.
Gloria has always dreamed of becoming an actress but learns that she is considered too old to be a leading lady. She is thirty but feels as if her life is over. She prepares herself for death. The only glimmer of hope for her is that the lawsuit she and Anthony filed against his grandfather's estate might succeed. She suggests they move to Europe and die there. Anthony counters with suggestions of people whom they might approach for a loan until the lawsuit is decided. He suggests they go to Bloeckman, her former movie producer flame, but Gloria already called in a favor from him to get a screen test - the screen test at which she was told she was too old to be a leading lady.
Anthony meets his estranged best friend whilst stumbling home from a bar, drunk. Maury Noble won't even let him finish asking him for a loan, which frustrates Anthony, and in his agitation he goes to confront Bloeckman, who is drinking in a very elite drinking club. They get into a fist fight and Anthony is thrown out. A passer by puts him into a taxi but the driver ejects him from the cab because he has no money to pay the fare.
Anthony descends quickly into life-altering alcoholism. He rarely leaves the house and does not even go to the courthouse with Gloria to hear the verdict of their lawsuit. He stays home instead where he receives a surprise visitor - Dorothy, the woman with whom he had an affair whilst he was on the army training base. She has come to New York expressly to look for him but does not receive the reception she had hoped; Anthony is too drunk to process the surprise visit and throws a chair at Dorothy before passing out. When Gloria and Dick return home in celebratory mood - they have won the lawsuit! - they find him on the floor studying his childhood stamp collection.
We learn Anthony's fate via two strangers, who see Anthony sitting alone, and gossip about what they have heard about him; he let his mind and body go after Shuttleworth's suicide which was precipitated by losing the inheritance money after the lawsuit, but Anthony feels only the sense of victory that he managed to beat an unnamed adversary called "they", and came out on top in the end.
