Sedaris
Sedaris himself is the protagonist of this collection, as the essays are about his own personal experiences at school and as he grew up. Throughout, Sedaris has a humorous and light-hearted tone, reflecting on some particularly embarrassing and awkward moments in his life.
Paul
Paul is Sedaris' younger brother, and is referred to as "The Rooster." He is the youngest child, and acts in a rebellious way, breaking all the rules. Sedaris focuses on Paul's use of language, as he was often known to cuss.
The French Teacher
When Sedaris moves to Paris and tries to learn French, he expects to be met with support and kindness. However, the French teacher is incredibly sharp and hostile towards Sedaris, making fun of him in front of the class, and even openly telling him that she hates him.
Lou Sedaris
Lou is David's father and is presented as an intelligent man who has high hopes for his children. He tries to talk to them about the intellectual things he is interested in but is mostly rejected.
