Essay Questions

What does the author identify as the sweetest and most important sound in the world to any person and what does he mean?

To any one single individual in the world, nothing sounds as sweet nor deems the subject of conversation more important than the sound of that person’s name. Winning friends is therefore dependent upon the successful subjugation of this characteristic in yourself. This means when you are engaged in conversation with someone—whether individual or as part of a group—the key to influencing them (or just become friends if that is the goal) is a question of power of your own naturally impulses to make yourself the topic. People generally find this harder to actually do than they think. Carnegie is not merely suggesting that you don’t act like a narcissist—most people can handle that task fairly easily—but that you be intensely aware the subtle ways in which you inject your ego into the discourse of everyday. During “water cooler” talk at the office, for instance, when discussing a new movie or controversial season finale of a TV show, instead of making your opinion the subject of comments and replies, you address others opinions and reply—using their name—in a way that makes the discourse seem to be about their perspective. That should be a relatively easy way to apply Carnegie’s advice. Try it sometime and see how easy it actually is.

What are two of the worst sounds to anyone that the author advises strongly against ever using in pursuit of friendship and influence?

The one time that the sound of someone’s name is not the sweetest in the world to them is when that name is succeeded by the words, “You’re wrong.” Carnegie writes about the effectiveness of argumentative language with great clarity: don’t do it. Arguments, he argues, are impossible to win and therefore should be avoided at almost any cost. If, however, avoidance should prove impossible, then there one thing that absolutely, positively must be avoided. Never say to another person, “you’re wrong” even when the facts clearly illustrates they are. Carnegie reasons that when a person hears the words “you’re wrong” they are not hearing “you are mistaken” but rather “you’re being rejected.” Being wrong is too often conflated with being rejected and most people are quicker to recover from the logical thump of being wrong than they are the emotional pounding of personal rejection.

What is the key to having the whole world with you rather than walking a lonely way?

Carnegie makes it clear what separates those who enjoy a mass of friends and wield pervasive influence from those who do not. The difference comes down to who is capable of successfully inspiring an “eager want” in others and those for whom this capacity is lacking. While Carnegie is more than just a little vague on exactly what is meant by the phrase “eager want” he does provide a quote to help facilitate his perspective. The quote is from Henry Ford and it is essentially argues that the secret of success lies in being able to see things from another’s perspective as well as your own. He also offers up a metaphorical image which is intended to clarify his meaning of a want that is eagerly desired: “It is necessary to bait the hook to suit the fish, not the fisherman.” The meaning of eager want may be vague, therefore, but the point of the assertion not so much: success is much easier when you sell what someone wants to buy rather than trying to make someone buy what you want to sell.