College Diet

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Why do most diets fail? As a veteran dieter with nearly eight years' experience, I have acquired enough knowledge to answer this question. Those who readily jump into new diets are looking to realize possible goals through impossible methodology. At age ten, I stumbled upon some propaganda which would form the foundation of my first "diet", titled Encantos Magicos (Portuguese for "magic spells"). That little book instantly fascinated me with the possibility of acquiring money from just following simple daily rituals. With each page turned, I felt a growing anxiety to finally begin my "Magic Spell" diet, yet only after hours of persistent "pleases" and "why nots" did my mother relinquish enough of her common sense to buy the items my new diet required. With several candles, essential oils, feathers, amulets, and a chalice in hand, I began casting all sorts of spells to acquire a hundred reals (Brazilian currency which would be the equivalent of 33 dollars), an amount equal to a million in my young mind. Although I devoted a great deal of my time to my diet, it seemed all efforts I spent on casting new magical spells inevitably ended in failure, since those hundred reals never...

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