The film is presented in a series of vignettes, with narration provided by the adult Ralphie Parker. As a 9-year-old boy in 1940, all Ralphie wants for Christmas is a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model air rifle. Ralphie's desire is rejected by his mother, his teacher Miss Shields, and a disgruntled Santa Claus at Higbee's department store, all of whom give him the same warning: "You'll shoot your eye out".
On Christmas morning, Ralphie receives some presents that he enjoys but is disappointed not to find the rifle among them. Ralphie's father ("The Old Man") directs him to one last box hidden in the corner, which proves to contain the rifle. Ralphie eagerly hurries outside to try it out, but when he shoots at the metal target he has set up, the BB ricochets and knocks off his glasses. Ralphie accidentally steps on and breaks the glasses while trying to find them; he makes up a cover story about a large icicle falling and hitting him in the face, which fools his mother and keeps him from getting in trouble.
That night, Ralphie goes to sleep with the gun by his side, as his adult self reflects that it was the best Christmas present he had ever received or would ever receive.
Other vignettes
Interspersed with the main story are several loosely related vignettes involving the Parkers:
- The Old Man fights a never-ending battle with the malfunctioning furnace in the Parker home. His frustrations cause him to swear profusely (heard as gibberish in the film), leading Ralphie to suspect a cloud of profanity "is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan".[7]
- Ralphie's friends, Flick and Schwartz, argue about whether or not a tongue will stick to metal in the winter. Schwartz "triple-dog dare"s Flick to try sticking his tongue to the schoolyard flagpole, and Flick does indeed get stuck, requiring the fire department's help to get him unstuck. Flick refuses to rat out Schwartz to Miss Shields, though she makes it clear she suspects either Schwartz or Ralphie is responsible.
- The Old Man is delighted when he wins a "major award" in a newspaper contest – a table lamp in the shape of a woman's leg wearing a fishnet stocking. Mrs. Parker dislikes it, and the ensuing "Battle of the Lamp" ends with her "accidentally" breaking it. Unable to fix it, the Old Man buries it in the backyard.[8][9]
- Ralphie eagerly checks the mail each day for a secret decoder ring, which he earned through a promotion Ovaltine and the Little Orphan Annie radio show were running. However, when the ring finally arrives, and Ralphie decodes the secret message broadcast on the radio show, he is disappointed to find the message is merely an Ovaltine ad.
- While unsuccessfully helping The Old Man change a blown tire, Ralphie accidentally lets an f-bomb slip, and gets his mouth washed out with Lifebuoy soap as a punishment. That night, he fantasizes about making his parents sorry, by becoming blind from soap poisoning.
- Ralphie, his brother Randy, and Flick and Schwartz are tormented by the neighborhood bullies Scut Farkus and Grover Dill. Ralphie eventually snaps and attacks Farkus, unleashing a stream of vulgar gibberish similar to the Old Man's.[10] Mrs. Parker halts him mid-fight and escorts him home; Ralphie and Randy expect The Old Man to "kill" Ralphie when he finds out, but Mrs. Parker manages to distract The Old Man by talking about football, earning Ralphie's respect.
- Ralphie is dismayed to receive an embarrassing pink bunny footed sleeper from his Aunt Clara. Mrs. Parker forces him to try it on and thinks its adorable, but The Old Man calls it "a pink nightmare" and allows Ralphie to take it off. Mrs. Parker agrees to only have Ralphie wear it when Aunt Clara visits.
- The Old Man is frequently chased by a pack of "at least 785 smelly hound dogs" owned by the Bumpus family, the Parkers' hillbilly neighbors. On Christmas Day, the dogs ruin the Parkers' dinner by romping through their kitchen and eating their turkey, forcing the family to go to a Chinese restaurant to eat, where they enjoy an entertaining dinner of "Chinese Turkey".[11]
