The Question and Answer section for The Secret Life of Bees is a great resource to ask questions, find answers, and discuss the novel.
T. Ray (Terrence Ray) is Lily's father, though Lily cannot bring herself to call him "daddy." He is a poor excuse for a father, abusive and unloving. He has turned bitter after the death of his wife, Deborah, and he often takes out his anger on...
Lily is really referring to the pain that has to be endured in life: both emotional and physical.
Lily's relationship with her father is volatile to say the least. He drinks too much and blames her for her mother's death. He is hard on Lily, she feels no love, and she feels as if she's completely unwanted.