The Marrow Thieves

Could anyone look over this paragraph I wrote?

I am just looking for some criticism so I can improve this paragraph and get a great mark! If I should add something please let me know! It has to be only a paragraph no longer otherwise I would have ranted longer!

Here is the question:

Although he is offered a permanent place in Espanola with his father and other members of his group, the ending sees Frenchie choosing to be on the run with his girlfriend Rose. Based on the events of the novel, what do you think of his decision and why do you think the author wanted this for his character?

My answer:

Frenchie's decision to run with his girlfriend Rose is sentimental and shows his last step to adulthood. Frenchie and Rose's relationship began going downhill near the end of the novel when Derrick is introduced along with the resistance team. Derrick is intentionally rude to Frenchie to impress Rose and she accepts some of his advances which makes Frenchie jealous. Frenchie begins lashing out on Rose and she demands to be treated better and leaves. Frenchie realizes the value of holding into people he cares about and runs after her and they share an intimate moment. The author wanted to show how much Frenchie has matured throughout the novel and how the power of love motivated Frenchie to survive and protect his loved ones.

Thanks!

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Last updated by jill d #170087
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I'm sorry, we are unable to edit student writing assignments. I will however, tell you to check a few things. First... using first tense and past tense in the same sentence. Switch to past or present.

Frenchie and Rose's relationship began going downhill near the end of the novel when Derrick is introduced along with the resistance team.

Second, check your punctuation. You are missing a few commas.