Since then, the awareness that I was in the wrong body, living the wrong life, was never out of my conscious mind.
One day when James “was about three,” he was sitting beneath his mother’s ironing board. She was ironing his father’s white shirt. “Someday you’ll wear shirts like this,” said the mom. The boy listened to “the strange words” and couldn’t understand “what she was getting at.” “She never wore shirts like that.” James asked himself, “Why would I ever be wearing shirts like my father’s?” Since then, “the awareness” that he was “in the wrong body” and lived “the wrong life” was always on his mind.
Oh God, Jim, I just want you back.
Grace proves to be a strong person. She accepts Jim, tries her best to understand him and supports him when he needs her. However, it doesn’t mean that she takes the whole situation easily. It hurts her to say goodbye to the old life she and Jim used to have. Grace understands that Jim’s transformation is going to change their relationship completely. There are moments when she can only say, “I want you back.” “I just want you back,” Grace says, but she knows for sure that there is no way back.
You’ll be goddamned.
Some people might think that James was a weak person. Nobody knew how hard he tried to “fit” and be a normal person. Some nights, he lay in bed and thought, “I’ll be goddamned if I am going to break anybody’s heart.” He kept repeating, “I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to let my family down.” However, he knew that all the reasoning wasn’t going to change the truth. In the very end, the usual conclusion of his inner dialogue was the following statement, “You’ll be goddamned.” He could keep lying to himself or could put everything at stake for a chance to live a life he wanted.
