In mother to mother all the character's are victims

Victimization and shame are themes in this book. They arise often throughout the novel, and they are often used as a tools for controlling women. When Mandisa becomes pregnant with Mxolisi, she must deal not only with her personal shame in the face of her mother's rage and devastation, but also with that of the family, which has been dealt a blow to its reputation. In Mandisa's society, women are blamed for their pregnancies, as we see her mother claim when Nono becomes pregnant with Khaya's baby: "Nono should have taken better care of herself" (71). In response to what neighbors might say, Mandisa's mother keeps her hidden in her bedroom for most of her pregnancy. In her room, Mandisa suffers in silence: "I sat forlorn in a corner of the room, where I'd sat since coming home. I sat there, too ashamed to lie on the bed although every bone in my body ached from the long car journey. I feared looking as though I enjoyed or took the slightest advantage of the unfortunate situation I found myself in." (85). The fact that Mxolisi isn't conceived through penetrative intercourse—and so Mandisa remains a virgin until his birth—does nothing to lessen her shame.

Later in her life, Mandisa reencounters extreme shame when Mxolisi murders Amy. "Shame and anger fill me day and night," she writes, "Shame at what my son has done. Anger at what has been done to him." (138). Once again, Mandisa faces the anger of her community, as well as personal rage at herself and her situation. Once again, Mandisa has little control over the situation that causes this shame and anger to come upon her.