The Art of War Goes to Chick-fil-a

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It is 7:00 on Saturday morning and I walk into the Chick-fil-a kitchen. Attempting to prepare my mind for work, I enter my daydream of war to get through the upcoming seemingly endless morning. My ingredients suddenly turn into weapons and armor; my table turns into a battlefield map; my uniform turns into chainmail; boredom becomes the enemy. Putting on my gloves, I finalize my preparation. After all, no general goes into battle without his armor.

To begin my campaign, I awake the silver containers of ingredients from their Friday night slumber, preparing my table for battle. I equip my table with the standard Chick-fil-a weapons and defenses as I play blacksmith. After arming my table, I venture over to the magazine to select my weapon. A short dagger with a black hilt catches my eye. I can tell that it was forged by a master blacksmith that used the finest metals from Corporate Mountain just by felling its sharpness.

My first objective of the morning, cutting strawberries, is accomplished by decapitating their green heads and quartering their torsos with my dagger. As I lock them under my table, I notice their blood pooling at the bottom of their sticky prison before I sweep their heads into a trashcan, and wipe up their...

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