A Thousand Splendid Suns

what does marium find in rasheeds drawer? how does it make her feel? why does she rationalize what she finds?

in chapters 8-12

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While cleaning up after the Eid celebration, Mariam goes into Rasheed's room for the first time, and finds a gun in Rasheed's drawer. Mariam feels that he must have kept the weapon in the house for safety. Mariam also finds pornographic magazines, and she feels that she must be a disappointment to him in terms of their sexual relationship. Mariam rationalizes that he has needs that are beyond her own.