What do the narrator’s tears reveal about his conflicted, or mixed, feelings?

The narrator's tears reveal both his feeling of guilt and devastation.... he loved Doodle, and regardless of how much he pushed him, the love never changed.

I began to weep, and the tear-blurred vision in red before me looked very familiar. "Doodle!" I screamed above the pounding storm and threw my body to the earth above his. For a long time, it seemed forever, I lay there crying, sheltering my fallen scarlet ibis from the heresy of rain.