- Lloyd Dallas: The director of a play-within-the-play, called Nothing On. Temperamental. Part of a love triangle involving Poppy and Brooke.
- Dotty Otley: A late-middle-aged actress. Forgetful. Has a romantic interest in Garry, and provokes him by showing interest in Freddy.
- Garry Lejeune: A stuttering actor, easily fired up. Has a romantic interest in Dotty, and is driven by jealousy to attack Freddy repeatedly. His speech impediment disappears onstage. Constantly stutters and ends sentences with "you know..."
- Brooke Ashton: A young inexperienced actress from London. She pays no attention to others, either in performance or backstage. She rarely takes direction, and persists in role regardless of any interruption. She is always losing her contact lenses. Part of the Lloyd–Poppy–Brooke love triangle.
- Frederick (Freddy) Fellowes: Has a serious fear of violence and blood. Gets nosebleeds easily. Lacks confidence and is rather dim-witted and pompous.
- Belinda Blair: Cheerful and sensible, a reliable actress. Has a rather protective attitude towards Freddy.
- Poppy Norton-Taylor: Assistant Stage Manager. Emotional and over-sensitive, and envious of Brooke, whom she understudies. Part of the Lloyd-Poppy-Brooke love triangle.
- Selsdon Mowbray: Elderly and with actorly mannerisms. If he is not in sight while rehearsing, the stage crew must find him before he finds the whisky.
- Timothy Allgood: An over-worked Stage Manager. Understudies Selsdon and Freddy.
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