“SANTA: THE MAN
Loose-fitting nylon beard, fake
optical twinkle, cheap red suit,
funny rummy smell when you sit
on his lap. If he’s such a big shot,
why is he drawing unemployment
for eleven months of the year?
Something scary and off-key about
him, like one of those Stephen King
clowns.”
These are the opening lines of the book and immediately situate the tone and mood of the piece. Updike is not exactly at the vanguard of postmodernism, but this is postmodern irony, 21st century style. The first edition of the story was published in 1993, but it reads as it were written in 2013. Clearly, this take on Santa Claus and Christmas is going align closer to the Grinch than to Linus reciting from the Bible. That last big of imagery is striking. After all, Santa does appear to be dressed something like a clown, but Updike is one of the few to ever point that out in print.
“THE SPECIALS
Was Charlie Brown’s voice always so
plaintive and grating? Did Bing
Crosby always have that little pot
belly, and walk with his toes out?
Wasn't that Danny Kaye / Fred
Astaire / Jimmy Stewart / Grinch
a card? Is Vera-Ellen still alive?
Isn't there something else on,
like wrestling or Easter Parade?”
Speaking of Linus, it is inevitable than an ironic overview of Christmas traditions eventually comes around to the yearly ritual of airing holiday-related TV shows, movies, and specials. Updike is poking the bear on this issue, however. A substantial chunk of the American population takes their holiday season TV ritual very seriously. Back when he wrote this, A Charlie Brown Christmas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas had been airing over free broadcast television networks every year since their debut in the mid-1960’s. Viewer outrage greeted the announcements of both specials the first time this tradition ended. For Charlie Brown that did not occur until 2020. It is one thing to attack Santa Claus and holiday shopping and bringing an enormous tree into your home for a few weeks every year, but Updike was really playing with fire in setting his targets on beloved holiday TV viewing traditions.
“THE FEAR OF RETURNS
The embarrassments, the unseemly
haggling. The lost receipts. The alle-
gations of damaged goods.
The humiliating descent into
mercantilism’s boiler room.”
The changes in TV viewing habits are not the only thing that has changed since the story was first published. Indeed, all the chapters dealing with the shopping experience are slightly outdated now. Most outdated of all, however, is this observation about the psychology of returning Christmas gifts in the days when brick and mortar ruled. If one wanted to return a Christmas gift, one was forced to go out in public and risk detection by the giver. One also had to wait in line. And, as the narrative hints, many stores seemed to make the task of the returning merchandise as unpleasant as possible. This quote remains relevant today, of course, but on a much more limited basis. It is a testament to just how much the whole holiday gift-giving experience changed since even the 2006 publication of the revised edition of this book.
