To My Nine-Year-Old Self

To My Nine-Year-Old Self Themes

Childhood

Most young children have a natural inclination to put themselves in risky situations as they play in order to test their own abilities. The speaker's nine-year-old self is a physical risk–taker: she would "rather run than walk, rather climb than run, / rather leap from a height than anything" (Lines 4-5). Three minutes after waking on a summer morning, this nine-year-old is the type of kid to "jump straight out of the ground floor window" into the summer day (Lines 10-11). It is clear she is capable of intense focus, but only when she is engrossed in what she is doing. This is evident in her summer projects: an ice-lolly factory, a wasp trap, and a den by a cesspit (Lines 17-18). These last two are particularly telling: the wonderful creativity of childhood is unhindered by the dangers that an adult would see. The nine-year-old in this poem is either unaware or unbothered by the possible sting of a wasp. Sewage or toxic liquid does not take from the magic of building her den.

Nature: Girlhood and the Earth

The nature of the nine-year-old girl in the poem is like a fast and freely growing vine that enthusiastically inhabits whatever space it comes across. She loves to run, climb, build, and explore. Her favorite thing of all, introduced at the end of the first stanza, is to "leap from a height" (Line 5). To "leap" implies not only jumping, but jumping with great force. The girl's world in the poem takes place in summer: a time of lushness, freedom, and the prime of life. For kids, summer is a time for adventure as they are free to explore outside the confines of school and planned lessons.

It is suggested that the girl in the poem has access to a great outdoor range to explore. She roams outside to pick rosehips, hides "down scared lanes" from predatory men, and lunges out over a body of water on a rope swing, among other things (Lines 22, 23-24, and 25-26). It is not specified whether the setting is rural or if it is a city neighborhood with lots of nature. What is important is that the speaker came of age in a place abundant with nature.

Though there is beauty inherent in the environment of the poem, there are also dangers looming over the scene. The girl builds a den by a cesspit, which is a site for the disposal of liquid waste and sewage. Cesspits have an impact both on the environment and on human health, and they hold symbolic significance as they are a place where unwanted waste is dumped. There is irony in that the girl builds her den beside a cesspit because a den is a hideout free from the influence of adults, or a cozy kind of home for a wild animal.

Tucked in the description of the girl's activities are the lines "time to hide down scared lanes / from men in cars after girl-children" (Lines 23-24). It is interesting to note that the poet chooses to use the term "scared lanes" instead of "scary lanes." This is a transferred epithet, but it also personifies the environment to reflect the girl's fear. The fact that the men are in cars might be a subtle hint at the way in which cars impact the environment. Though this poem is not explicitly about nature, nature symbolically adds depth to the characterization of the girl.

Adulthood

It is clear that as she grew older, the speaker became less willing to take the same kinds of risks she took as a nine-year-old. She tells her younger self she'd "like to say we could be friends / but the truth is we have nothing in common / beyond a few shared years" (Lines 19-21). Their physical differences are outlined in the second stanza as the speaker apologizes for spoiling the body they once shared. As an adult, she is aware of consequences, evidenced by her scars and the careful way she moves to avoid a bad back or a bruised foot.

Though there is a naivety that accompanies childhood fearlessness from the perspective of an adult, there is also an unhindered sense of wonder. The speaker may have become more mature and aware of the world's dangers, but her fear is also capable of holding her back.

Throughout the poem, the nine-year-old remains completely uninterested in her adult self. There is a kind of sadness in this severance. Ultimately the speaker chooses not to spoil the creative and risk-taking wonder that her younger self embodies. She knows that as time passes and the child becomes an adult, she will lose access to her childhood wonder as a result of the dangers and disappointments of life.