"I hadn't been asked this in a place of business since I was seventeen, when I tried, unsuccessfully, to buy a fifth of Jack Daniel's at a liquor store across the highway from Mr. Grady's gas station. It was just as unsettling to be carded at the other end of my life, for a fucking biscuit, no less, but I answered as civilly as possible."
Michael is surrounded by reminders of his age, yet this instance is profoundly impactful to him. To be placed in the same position he last found himself in at seventeen is a painful reminder of how different he is from who he was then. The two incidents are like bookends, a very uncomfortable realization to someone on the latter end.
"Over the next eight years, almost without noticing, I arrived at a quiet revelation. You could make a home by yourself. You could fill that home with friends and friendly strangers without someone sleeping next to you. You could tend your garden and cook your meals and find predictable pleasure in your own autonomy."
Michael is no stranger to loneliness. In fact he's learned to embrace life on his own, in a relish of the routine and the orderly. Although he misses his past lovers, he lives a more enlightened and honest life now that he's accepted that he didn't need them to be whole or happy.
"And I'd like Ben there, of course, cuddling me into the void with the usual sweet assurances."
Michael's perfect exit includes his ever-faithful friend Ben. Although he's never believed Ben's comfort, he does appreciate the gesture. The two of them have enjoyed half a lifetime of adventures, so it only seems fitting that they see one another off on the next phase.
"Still, I gave her a call, wondering if she might have lost someone herself, but our talk was limited to the surreal events we'd just watched on television. A crisis does draw people together, but rarely for the right reason. The old wounds flare up again soon enough; the bond lasts no longer than the terror."
In a rather cynical thought, Michael attributes his reaching out to his ex as a sort of habit in times of stress. She's become a familiar touchstone when fear creeps in, and she must have felt the same during this event. Michael dismisses the call as a disappointment, but he can't hide the fact that to be disappointeed he would have to have an investment in her.
