What feelings does the narrator describe?

The narrator says "personally" I believe in congenial work, with excitement and change, would do me good. But what is one to do? (Pg.648) as well as " I cry at nothing, and cry most of the time...I determine for the thousandth time that I will follow pointless patter to some sort of a conclusion... The effort is getting to be greater than the relief...it is getting to be a great effort for me to think straight?