The narrative of The Water-Method Man moves from first person to third person, to an epistolary format to a film-script, to describe the life of Fred 'Bogus' Trumper.
Yogurt and Lots of Water: The protagonist, Fred Trumper has a problematic urinary tract for which he is advised to drink lots of water before and after sex. He muses on his life with Tulpen and his child with his estranged wife.
War-built Things: Trumper is trying to listen to Merill Overturf but his tape breaks while he is trying to park his car. He is musing over his stagnant life and looking for an escape.
Old Tasks and Plumbing News: Written in a letter-format, Bogues is writing to his friend Couth, caretaker to rich Pilsbury’s for money. Since, he is a student with working wife and child, and his parents not supporting him financially, even disapproving of his wife, he has a number of bills, as three athletes whom he sub-let his house flushed all their trash and created a very expensive plumbing problem.
Iowa Evening Rituals: Trumper remembers going for a walk during the growing years of his son and had extra-marital sex with a school friend. He wonders about the future of his life.
A Dream to Me Now: The narrator is comparing his life with Tulpen and while he was married to Biggie. He was translating Akthelt and Gunnel from Old Low Norse, and began to add imaginary words since no one could have refuted him.
Prelude to the Last Stand: Another letter to Couth, Trumper tells him of his part-time work selling trinkets at a football game. He has also become averse to having another child. He asks for some money to pay his increased tuition fee. He also suggests that Biggie is not happy with their life.
Ralph Packer Films, Inc. 109 Christopher Street New York, New York 10014: Trumper and Tulpen work with Ralph making indie films. Trumper muses on how he met Ralph and Ralph makes Kent, his man Friday, go out on inconsequential ends.
Other Old Mail: Letters from Trumper to credit card companies, other businesses that he has loaned from, complaint letters, correspondence to college regarding his fee and placement. The letters enclose cheques with very low sums and offer polite excuses. By the last letters, he has just given up.
Mica, Turtles & Fish First! : Trumper compares of his bed-time rituals with Biggie and Tulpen. With Biggie, he always had a feeling she was mocking him for giving her a poor life. But, with Tulpen who is more independent he is happy.
Let’s Not Lose Track of Certain Statistics : Biggie is forced to leave a store as Trumper has been blacklisted for bounced cheques. Trumper realizes that he has been doing 'nothing' for a very long time. He wonders on his career and thinks about his life.
Notre Dame 52, Iowa 10 : Trumper while trying to avoid meeting Lydia Kindle as he is selling knickknacks at a game end up falling on her boyfriend, and in a rush to get away runs wildly this losing all his stook. Lydia finds him eventually and the two share a kiss and agree to have an affair. Biggie consoles him for losing the job.
Do you want to have a baby? : Trumper and Ralph discuss that Ralph's latest film is not good and that he should make something more personal. Trumper discusses this with Tulpen who says that Ralph wants to make a film on Trumper. She asks him if he wants to have a committed relationship, she is ready to have a baby if he does, but he doesn't want to commit.
Remember Merrill Overture: First person. The narrator remembers how he met Biggie while travelling with this diabetic friend Merrill during Olympics in Austria. The narrator was dreadful at skiing and Biggie won a Gold.
Fighting the Good Fight: Trumper remembers how Biggie used to complain about his hairy body. He goes to Benny’s where he finds a beaten gay man in bathroom and helps him out. He starts smelling of the broken perfume bottles that man was carrying which Big begins to consider as a proof of his illicit relationship. It takes a wrestling match to make her understand.
Remember Being In Love With Biggie?: Trumper remembers how he met Biggie in a club while trying to take care of Merrill. The two make love and try to take things casual but she soon gets pregnant. They named him Colm after his uncle whom his father hated.
Father & Sons (Two Kinds), Unwanted Daughters-in-Law and Fatherless Friends: (Fred is used as a name, when his childhood is discussed): Biggie writes some mean letters to Trumper’s father and the two fear what he’ll say so don’t pick his phone. Trumper tries to cultivate a stimulated environment for Colm but it fails.
Reflections on the Failure of the Water Method: Trumper and Tulpen go to seek an appointment for surgery as the water-method had failed. Trumper also worries about Ralph’s intention on making a film on his life.
One Long Mother of Day: Biggie calls Trumper coward, so he goes to the library where he finds Lydia Lindle and the two go on a drive. They try to have sex but Trumper gets cold feet. Angry at him, she deserts him in the swamps. He has to walk all the way injuring his feet. Ralph finds him and brings him to his house where Biggie discovers a condom on him and they receive a letter from his father.
Axelrulf Among the Greths: Trumper draws a parallel with his story and the ballad and decides to stay at a distance from Tulpen when Colm visits. Tulpen likes Colm and vice versa, but Trumper due to his awkwardness and emotional detachment makes her sad. He tries hard but comes across as a loser in front of everyone.
His Move: Trumper leaves Biggie to stay at Ralph. He cashes the cheque his father had sent with the letter. He pays his bills, gets Biggie out of the house, takes his stuff and leaves the rest of the cash money with her and leaves for Vienna.
Home Movies: Ralph, Tulpen and Trumper see a section of the film Ralph has been making on Trumper’s life. Trumper finds it amateurish and stupid, while Ralph is appreciative of his work.
Slouching after Overturf: He reaches Munich and hallucinates that his parents and Merrill are having breakfast. He goes out, buys clothes and a typewriter along the way and keeps looking for Merrill till he it night and he has to rent out a room at a ‘hotel’. He realizes he can’t get used to the loneliness and listens to a tape with Biggie’s voices.
Taking It Personally: Ralph interviews Biggie and Trumper on their broken marriage, with Trumper hating it visibly.
How Far Can You Get with an Arrow in Your Tit? : Trumper moves around the town for a while looking for Merrill and learns that he might be dead. He goes back and tries to write Biggie a letter, realising that he had never been very loving to her.
Getting Ready for Ralph: Trumper and Tulpen are called by Ralph to shoot a footage of their night-time rituals. Both are annoyed, and Tulpen express that he doesn’t like her enough and in annoyance, he calls her Big which makes her cry but they make up.
Gra! Gra! : Trumper writes of an experience back in Austria where he hallucinates a number of things including meeting Merrill, and getting a brick of hashish in confusion.
How is Anything Related to Anything Else?: Ralph gives a book called Vital Telegrams to make Tulpen and Trumper understand about his vision of the film. But, Ralph begins to wonder about Sprog, a slave to Akhelet, who misunderstood his place and on suggestion of Akhelet sleeping with Sprog’s wife, went to sleep with Gunnel thinking of it as an reciprocation of his friendship.
What Happened to the Hashish? : Trumper spends the night with a prostitute and goes looking for Merrill with the Hashish. He is kidnapped by a bunch of men who start questioning him as if her were a criminal and ask him who is Merrill and why did he leave Biggie?
What Happened to Sprog? : Sprog is castrated and exiled along with his wife, and attacks anyone who is seduced by his wife. Trumper is shocked to hear that Tulpen had not been using any contraceptives and planned to have a baby, whether Trumper wanted or not. She is disappointed in him.
What Happened to Merrill Overturf? : Trumper gets to know that he had been kidnapped by a drug-bursting Government ring to carry out a plan. He botches the plan at Vienna and New York due to unforeseeable coincidences. In return, he is told that Merrill had died of drowning for a stupid bet and that he had been in Europe for six months.
A Pentothal Movie: Through the film, it is shown that Trumper goes to surgery. He is agitated and calls Tulpen and hangs up when ralph answers it. In the scene, Tulpen is still shooting with Ralph, but Trumper misunderstands it.
Another Dante, A Different Hell: Dante, the limo driver takes Trumper to Maine after he gets back from Vienna. He reaches there to find Couth living with Biggie and Colm. He learns that they have already married and settled in the place and are more comfortable and happy there. He is ambushed when he gets back.
Welcome to the Order of the Golden Prick: Trumper suspects Tulpen and Ralph to have an affair and hears a portion of the film assuming to be them talking. He leaves a dramatic footage of farewell and leaves for Maine. He decides that he never finishes anything and decides to finish the Old Norse ballad.
Into a Life of Art: Prelude to a Tank on the Bottom of Danube: Trumper imagines how Merrill must have tried to impress some girl and then died because of it. He is kidnapped by the same Government agency who had held him in Vienna. They send him off to Ralph, where he decides to work in sound design instead of his thesis.
Old Thank Undone! Biggie Puts on Weight!: Trumper lives with Couth and Biggie for a while and works on the story of Old Thak. He soon leaves as he feels he is imposing and learns while parting that Biggie is pregnant.
Akthelt Beset with Doubt! Trumper Grind to a Halt: Trumper reaches Iowa and starts working on his thesis honestly. Gunnel is described as a feisty woman who murdered her husband and many other who wronged her. He finally finishes his thesis looking for a job in Boston.
Audience Craze, Critical Acclaim and Rave Reviews for Fucking Up: Trumper lives with his parents for a while before going for New York. He sees Fucking Up and realizes that Tulpen had not been cheating on her and that she was pregnant with his baby. He goes to her and professes his love. It appears to be improving.
The Old Friends Assemble for Throgsgafen Day: Trumper, Tulpen, Ralph and his wife Matje go to Couth and Biggie to have a holiday. Ralph is getting offers to make a movie on Trumper’s script of the ballad. There is much peace but some friction too. But, Trumper feels unburdened for the first time.
