Fred Trumper
A grad student enrolled at the University of Iowa specializing in translating the works of Akthelt and Gunnel. While married to Sue, he produced Colin. Things have not gone well since then and after the divorce, Fred decides to give the water-method cure a go.
Jean Claude Vigneron
The urologist from whom Fred Trumper learns about the so-called miracle cure for urinary tract infection: the water-method.
Cuthbert Bennett
Fred’s friend and a fellow bed partner of Elsbeth Malkas and Sue Trumper. In the case of Fred’s ex-wife, however, he also goes on to marry her. Cuthbert is the caretaker of the Pillsbury Estate.
Tulpen
A single-moniker film editor from England whom Fred goes on to marry.
Elizabeth Malkas
An artist, especially in the art of spreading venereal disease to men like Fred and Curthbert.
Lydia Kindle
Attractive student at IU with whom Fred Trumper is unable to successfully engage in sex due to his condition.
