The things that they carried (p. 1-26)
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Cross was Lavender was shot..... and not concentrating on his duties. Thus, he carried the guilt for the man's death.
He felt shame. He hated himself. He had loved Martha more than his men, and as a consequence Lavender was now dead, and this was something he would have to carry like a stone in his stomach for the rest of the war.
The Things They Carried