the first boy that kissed me
held my shoulders down
like the handlebars of
the first bicycle
he ever rode
The speaker provides the context for a memory that will establish the basis for her knowledge of physical intimacy. As first love, sex, and relationship troubles are major themes in this collection, the memory of a first kiss is significant. In this poem, the speaker's memory is tinged with violence. She is treated like an object meant to be handled roughly. A bicycle is a vehicle, which suggests that the boy is using the speaker to get somewhere regardless of how she feels about it. The lines progressively become shorter, giving this stanza the appearance of shrinking. This parallels the speaker's emotional response to this experience and to the memory of the kiss.
he had the smell of
starvation on his lips
which he picked up from
his father feasting on his mother at 4 a.m.
In these lines, the speaker uses olfactory imagery to describe the first boy who kissed her. Though "the smell of starvation" is meant as a metaphor, there actually exists a literal smell of starvation as the body breaks down. Here, however, the smell of starvation serves to evoke desperation, decay, and death. Kaur portrays this gruesome quality as an inheritance—the boy learned it from the way his father treats the boy's mother. The father "[feasts]" on the mother. Through this image of cannibalism or vampirism, Kaur makes a feminist statement concerning the way that certain men treat women. These men "feed" on women, which in this case is meant in both a physical and emotional way.
This last line about the boy's parents opens the question of whether this information is the speaker's assumption or an actual truth that she learned about years after the experience.
but i was not made with a fire in my belly
so i could be put out
The speaker asserts herself against the notion that women are meant to only be quiet and beautiful. The phrase "i was not made with" does not specify who "made" the speaker (whether she is talking about her parents or a god). But this phrase still imbues the speaker's existence with a creative and divine energy. This quote can be placed in conversation with a poem that comes later in the collection: "accept yourself / as you were designed." The words "made" and "designed" give the impression of a creator who shapes human existence, but this is the extent to which Kaur explores this topic.
The speaker qualifies the "fire in [her] belly" as a natural trait that she was born with and meant to express. To be "put out" refers both to her fire, which represents her passion, and to be disappointed.
i was made heavy
half blade and half silk
Here, the speaker defines herself in a material way. Her being "heavy" is proof of her existence. The entire poem speaks against those who tell the speaker to quiet down, and this particular poem equates the silencing of women with their disappearance. The speaker asserts herself by expressing her presence through words.
The description "half blade and half silk" is seemingly contradictory, but it encapsulates the speaker as a human being. Blades are sharp and can be dangerous, while silk is a smooth and valuable material. Identifying as "half blade and half silk" shows that the speaker is a multifaceted person who refuses to be defined in a simplistic way.
you move my hand
between my legs
and whisper
make those pretty little fingers dance for me
If this poem was placed in a different section of the book such as "the hurting," this would be a far more disturbing poem. However, Kaur has clarified that consent is everything in the poem "sex takes the consent of two," and this poem appears in "the loving" alongside others expressing consensual physical intimacy. Despite the speaker's clear consent, some scholars have criticized this poem as an example of patriarchy because the speaker submits to her partner's demand that she perform sexually for him. However, the title "-solo performance" and the accompanying image of a dancing woman imply that the speaker feels empowered as she explores her own body.
did you think i was a city
big enough for a weekend getaway
i am the town surrounding it
The speaker addresses her former boyfriend's mistaken conception of her through the use of metaphor. She compares herself to a small town as opposed to a city, and clearly favors the town. A weekend getaway is a short vacation intended to help one escape the day-to-day reality of life. When one visits a big city for a short time, one can remain anonymous and not establish any connections in that place. If the speaker feels that her former partner treated her like a weekend getaway, then that means that she did not feel included in his long-term plans and priorities.
i am not street meat i am homemade jam
thick enough to cut the sweetest
thing your lips will touch
Here, the speaker continues using metaphors to define who she is and who she is not. Though the preferences for things like city versus town and street meat versus homemade jam are due to personal taste, the speaker seems incredulous that her former boyfriend would not share her preferences (which represent her character). However, this poem is part of the speaker's journey toward reassembling her self-esteem after her relationship ended, and she does this partly by assertively celebrating herself.
These lines employ rhymes that give the poem a sense of rhythm. "Street meat" is a perfect rhyme occurring in quick succession, which portrays this concept as fast, cheap, and easy. Street meat is in opposition to homemade jam, which evokes time, effort, and care. Kaur herself is vegetarian, which shows her clear preference for jam over meat. "Cut" and "touch" are imperfect rhymes, which implies the problems that the couple experienced.
the name kaur
makes me a free woman
it removes the shackles that
try to bind me
uplifts me
This poem, in which the speaker discusses her shared name, is among the most personal in the collection. Women and girls in the Sikh tradition share the name Kaur, which translates to princess. This practice was put in place by the tenth Sikh guru Gobind Singh Ji in opposition to the oppressive caste system (original last names signified caste and class). The speaker in this poem feels empowered and liberated by the name Kaur. The "shackles" that attempt to bind her may not equate exactly to the oppressions of the caste system, but instead could refer to any harmful practice or attitude that would define the speaker on account of her race, gender, or class. Kaur grew up primarily in Canada, but she still faced discrimination on account of being a woman and an immigrant. However, her connection to her faith and culture uplifts her and gives her a higher purpose in life.
that i am my own woman and
i belong wholly to myself
and the universe
Earlier in the collection, a speaker describes how experiencing her first kiss made her feel that her body belongs to those who want her to feel less than whole. This quote is a kind of response and counter to that earlier experience; here the speaker feels whole in herself. Her being a woman does not signify that she belongs to others. The word "wholly" has a double sonic meaning: whole as in unfractured, and holy as in sacred. This journey towards self-love has also brought the speaker closer to the whole world. By belonging entirely to herself, she also belongs to the universe. The process of healing has caused the speaker to think about these larger spiritual concepts.
and the universe
it humbles me
calls out and says i have a
universal duty to share with
humanity to nurture
and serve the sisterhood
By connecting to and loving herself, the speaker listens to a higher calling to empower others. The universe is personified as a force that communicates with the speaker. That the universe "humbles" the speaker means that she is able to consider things from a larger perspective and use her gifts to help other women. The word "universal" suggests that everyone has a higher purpose that they can choose to follow, and also that the speaker's purpose is to reach women from around the world. By serving "the sisterhood" (which signifies all women, but particularly women of color), all of humanity is benefitted.
