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Miss Havisham made Estella who she is, but all in all the older woman loved her. Operative word, love. Estella doesn't want Miss Havisham clinging to her, and she doesn't want to be held down. This hurts the older woman, who then accuses Estella of ungratefulness, that she's not only ungrateful but unloving. So we're back to love, and the one thing that has backfired........ Estella can't love anyone.......... not even Miss Havisham.