University of Florida

When asked to write a narrative about a meaningful event and how it will affect my college life, do i have to first talk about myself and who I am before answering the question? Or do i just have to aswer the question straight away?

Question:

Write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship, or a call to service.

My essay:

Growing up with my parents and two siblings, I have always been surrounded by a large extended family of mixed ethnic and religious orientation; this has instilled in me a deep appreciation of the moral codes that undergird notions of fairness and justice, rights and duties, and above all tolerance and harmony within groups. This is also why I have always had the desire to meet and interact with people from diverse cultures. I like to learn and understand other ways of being. As far back as I can remember, my parents have always encouraged us children to be tolerant and empathetic and I find myself, and even some of my teachers drawing on these qualities, as I get older.

Not so long ago one of my drama teachers called me on a Saturday morning to help with the preparation of our middle school’s drama production. As an active member of my school’s drama club, I welcomed any opportunity to participate, even though I was not in the production. The troop was running behind schedule, nerves were frayed, and the usual pre-production madness had a certain panic to it when I arrived. My adrenaline kicked into motion as I jumped right in helping with whatever needed getting done. I had never been under so much pressure in my life, but nonetheless we pulled it together and the show went smoothly.

I look back on that experience with lots of pride. The tolerance my parents has strived so hard to instill in us children helped me through. My teacher gave me the privilege of serving as a member of a team, and with great tolerance I play my supporting role with great patience and zeal.

I am a highly motivated, hardworking girl who understands and appreciates the privilege of education and the responsibilities that come with that opportunity. I enjoy all the challenges that come with asking questions. As an international student I will bring my experiences to bear in our course materials. As a foreigner in America, I also stand to gain by learning from both my fellow American and international student counterparts. My ultimate goal is to pursue a career in business. Although I have no previous knowledge in any business course, I have always been interested in businesses and how they operate and my strong background in economics has enabled me to understand the behavior of firms and organizations, which I believe will give an urge to majoring in business. I also particularly enjoy the way I see business blending in very well with everyday issues and I believe in order for me to pursue a career in business, I will need more than just the academic knowledge, but also creativity, motivation, hard work and excellent social skills, qualities I have which strengthen my desire to be professionally involved in a business career.

Is my essay ok for this question? What do I need to add or subtract? Please advice me.

Thank you.

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Last updated by Aslan
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I think it is always an advantage to be concise and to the point. I would begin with your narration about your drama production and weave your ideas in there. I would save the "I am" stuff for your conclusion. It is always better to show rather than tell. The details of your experience better conveys your personality and work ethic than stating "I work hard".....So I would begin with a shorter intro and then continue with "Not so long ago...." Make it obvious within your experience that you are highly motivated rather than simply stating it. That's just my two cents but I hope it helps a little.