University of Florida Undergraduate College Application Essays

i want anyone to read my UFL admission essay, evaluate and criticise it if necessary. i am afraid my essay doesn't quite address the prompt. i need your opinions as i want to apply and the deadline is after 5 days.

Constructing my building
My life is a building with an unlimited floors license and the problem I am the manger of this building whose workers constantly increase and become harder to manage and control. I discovered this from watching how my life changes and develops as I grow up with the external forces working on forming this life increasing. We all begin small undecorated buildings easy to reach and explore by anybody and then throughout life enlarge our buildings and try to decorate to hide something inside.
Kids have their own buildings managers, their parents, who may well control the development of their children lives. Yet as the buildings enlarge it will become more difficult for the parents to take control and here the teen will gradually receive from his parents the management license. The teen will receive the small developing base of the building and then choose the way to construct his building either through gradually putting a brick over a brick and ending up with a magnificent strong tall building which he can be proud of or choosing the easy way of decorating the least he can make and trying to convince others that he is better.
When I was a child I would look into grown-ups and observe how they prettify in front of each other and pretend to be persons other than who they really are. A person whose women don’t like him pretends to be the best flirt. A person who is not that successful in his work pretends to be the most workaholic. Each one try to make his own decorations and even if these deceitful decorations didn’t work to hide what they truly are they work on trenching their buildings to inhibit anyone from entering and exploring their true lives. These may be owners of buildings which look magnificent from the exterior just to hide what is inside.
In second grade, I used to love Thursdays. My father used to finish his work early, come get me from school and then take me for dinner in the club. Besides having fun and enjoying my time, I had learnt great issues from his words and actions. I learnt that I should build my life upon true hard work in diverse areas of life.
Throughout life, I have learnt to constantly wish and work for something beyond what I have. I think this is the major concept of life to always move from destination to destination trying to get more respect and love from others through hard work and true sacrifices. Through my next years in UFL, I will continue to improve my own life by learning from others and adding more to my knowledge, beliefs, and values and then always be an easy building for others to enter, explore and learn from. Yet I won't let anyone enter this building for a destructive purpose. I don’t claim to be that perfect student, athlete or time manager as I don’t believe there is perfection in the world. Yet, I am totally satisfied with what I achieved until this very moment in social life, academic classes, athletic awards, community service hours and volunteering jobs. However, I won't ever lose the energy I have now to further excel and improve no matter what I have reached as there is always better. I wish to have the opportunity to study at UFL to share what I have, continue to learn and improve myself and finally give back what I acquire to my society. I am going to give that building whatever it takes to make it better.

University of Florida | Answers: 1

When asked to write a narrative about a meaningful event and how it will affect my college life, do i have to first talk about myself and who I am before answering the question? Or do i just have to aswer the question straight away?

Question:
Write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship, or a call to service.


My essay:
Growing up with my parents and two siblings, I have always been surrounded by a large extended family of mixed ethnic and religious orientation; this has instilled in me a deep appreciation of the moral codes that undergird notions of fairness and justice, rights and duties, and above all tolerance and harmony within groups. This is also why I have always had the desire to meet and interact with people from diverse cultures. I like to learn and understand other ways of being. As far back as I can remember, my parents have always encouraged us children to be tolerant and empathetic and I find myself, and even some of my teachers drawing on these qualities, as I get older.
Not so long ago one of my drama teachers called me on a Saturday morning to help with the preparation of our middle school’s drama production. As an active member of my school’s drama club, I welcomed any opportunity to participate, even though I was not in the production. The troop was running behind schedule, nerves were frayed, and the usual pre-production madness had a certain panic to it when I arrived. My adrenaline kicked into motion as I jumped right in helping with whatever needed getting done. I had never been under so much pressure in my life, but nonetheless we pulled it together and the show went smoothly.
I look back on that experience with lots of pride. The tolerance my parents has strived so hard to instill in us children helped me through. My teacher gave me the privilege of serving as a member of a team, and with great tolerance I play my supporting role with great patience and zeal.
I am a highly motivated, hardworking girl who understands and appreciates the privilege of education and the responsibilities that come with that opportunity. I enjoy all the challenges that come with asking questions. As an international student I will bring my experiences to bear in our course materials. As a foreigner in America, I also stand to gain by learning from both my fellow American and international student counterparts. My ultimate goal is to pursue a career in business. Although I have no previous knowledge in any business course, I have always been interested in businesses and how they operate and my strong background in economics has enabled me to understand the behavior of firms and organizations, which I believe will give an urge to majoring in business. I also particularly enjoy the way I see business blending in very well with everyday issues and I believe in order for me to pursue a career in business, I will need more than just the academic knowledge, but also creativity, motivation, hard work and excellent social skills, qualities I have which strengthen my desire to be professionally involved in a business career.




Is my essay ok for this question? What do I need to add or subtract? Please advice me.
Thank you.

University of Florida | Answers: 1