A Thousand Splendid Suns

Why did Mariam decide to stay behind whereas Laila left with her children?

Between chapter 42 and 47 :)

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Mariam believed that eventually the Taliban will come after all of them if they find Rasheed dead and the women missing. Mariam says it is unfair for the children to have to live on the run, and that she cannot look at Zalmai every day knowing that she has killed his father.